Midnight Musings
by TomMaier
Summary: Tigress is sitting alone when her mind starts to wander. When Po gives her advice, will she finally get an answer to a question she'd always had?


**Midnight Musings**

She sat beneath the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom, one leg bent, an elbow resting on it, while the other hung over the ledge of the cliff. She was reminiscing her time as a child in the Jade Palace. It was a lonely existence. She couldn't understand at first how the man who'd adopted her refused to refer to himself as her father, and how little time they'd spent together outside of training. Having no memory of parents before the orphanage, she wasn't exactly sure, but was fairly certain that this was not how fathers acted. A light scowl came to her face.

Fathers are supposed to care. Fathers love. They show pride, and tell you you've done a good job. Shifu was never like that. He showed impartiality. He distanced himself from her. He never showed an ounce of pride. She briefly remembered his training.

'_Again, Tigress! You cannot become a meaningful warrior if you do not achieve perfection!'_

She scoffed.

"How will I know I've reached it if you never tell me what I do right?" she whispered to herself. She looked at her hands, which were clenched tightly into fists. She remembered the nights spent in the forests, punching the ironwood trees for hours on end. She brought both hands closer to her face, opening and closing them. Reaching her left hand down, she brushed it along the grass that grew beneath the aged tree. A deep pang struck her heart as she felt nothing. She missed feeling. It made everything more real. Gave a deeper assurance on life, being able to reach out and touch what was before you. She punched the ground, hoping to feel. When nothing happened, she snarled. She tried again. Nothing. She tried harder. Nothing. She hissed in annoyance. She brought her arm high above her head, taking a deep breath. She let loose as much power as she could muster, creating a small crater in the ground, and yet, she didn't feel a thing. She roared, pounding the ground with both fists on either side of her. She panted angrily. She felt her lips pull back into a sharp snarling position. Her amber eyes locked on to the moon. She hadn't noticed she'd been growling with each breath. She stood sharply, and took off on all fours into the forest, revisiting a spot she hadn't been to in over three years.

"Ha!" she shouted as she nailed another hit into the ironwood. She took a small break, stepping back a few paces. She eyed up the tree, starting from the roots, following the trunk, finally reaching the peak of the tree. "Look at you, tall and proud as ever." She scoffed. "All you had to do was grow to the strong and proud. You do nothing to earn your strength and pride besides simply stay alive." Her fists balled. "All of my life I've had to fight. To train. To be an obedient daught- warrior. I've had to be respectful, honest, and tough. Strong and unmoving, unfeeling." She walked back towards the tree. "And yet, I still haven't earned any pride!" she shouted, slamming two fists into the tree with all of her strength. A large split opened into the tree. Her eyes widened, but then narrowed. She began assaulting the tree once more.

"I've never been loved! I've never been cared for! I practically raised myself! I was never given affection, and now I don't know how to FEEL!" she shouted, putting her all and then some into her last blow, splintering the wood of the tree. She stepped back as it began to fall. Her eyes widened as it began creaking, the bending and snapping sounds bouncing around her. Slowly, it leaned towards her. She moved quickly, dodging the falling behemoth. It came down to the earth with a large thud, which echoed throughout the forest. She panted, having narrowly dove out of the tree's path. Rolling onto her back, she stared at the fallen titan as a large dust cloud began to settle. She stood up, brushing herself off. She walked to the tree and squatted down beside the trunk. She placed a hand on it. A smirk made it's way to her lips.

"My, how the mighty have fallen..." she said quietly. She felt another pang in her heart, but this one felt...different. She'd never felt it before. _What is this?_

"Tigress?" She looked up to see Po standing on the path that led to the ironwood trees. His eyes were wide with shock. "Are you alright? I heard the tree fall and-"

"Yes, I'm fine" she said sharply. He was surprised at her tone.

"I know a certain tree that would say otherwise..." She growled. "Come on, Tigress. You can talk to me." She was quiet, her face looked as though she were considering it. He smiled to her. She didn't want to admit it, but she was so easily broken by his smile. It was so innocent, friendly. She knew she could trust him, and she enjoyed it. After seeing him blown out of that factory, she'd learned that she could feel, if only a little. Although she could not explain just what it was, being to foreign with emotions. She sighed.

"Po, what I'm about to tell you stays between us. Got it?" His smile widened, and he nodded. She looked as though she was very uncomfortable, and he almost told her not to worry about it, but she began. "Growing up here was...tough." Her eyes met the ground. "I never had a normal childhood. My days consisted of sleeping, training, eating. It was the same thing every day. It was like I wasn't being raised, but molded. Molded into a machine capable of doing nothing but kung-fu." She fidgeted with the hem of her vest nervously, uncomfortably. "Shifu and I...never had any sort of relationship that exceeded that of a student and master. I tucked myself in at night, read my own bedtime stories, and comforted myself from nightmares. I was alone. The only solace I received was Master Oogway's occasional visits. Shifu was always so distant, I never knew how he felt. He would never give praise, or helpful advice. Simply, he'd just correct my stances and make me try again.

"I know it seems like all I do is kung-fu, but that's because it's all I know how to do, really." She walked a little closer to him and sat down. He followed. "I don't know how to be funny, how to make jokes. I don't know how to _feel_ like normal people do..." she hesitated again, moving her mouth, clearly debating if she should say this next sentence. "I'm so afraid to feel...because I know it will make me weak. Weakness isn't something a master warrior has. A true master is perfect in all aspects..." she said, remembering Shifu's teachings. "And if feeling makes one weak, how can one reach perfection while feeling?" she asked, in a manner that seemed rhetorical. She snarled.

"It's not fair!" she shouted, slamming a fist on the ground. "I try so hard for him! So damn hard! But no matter what I do, it all just gets thrown into my face! He never appreciates me! Praises me! Never tells me 'Good job'! Never once has he said these things! I live and breathe to make him proud, and nothing I do is ever good enough!" Tears brimmed her eyes, and she fought to keep them from leaving. "But, no! He cut himself off after Tai-Lung! Not able to feel a damn thing for me, and screwed me up in the process!" she shouted, wiping her eyes. She sniffled a few times. Po rested a large paw on her shoulder. The two locked eyes.

"Tigress, I know Shifu is proud of you. Even if he doesn't show it, he is." His tone was so calming, she visible relaxed from it.

"But...how? How do you know?" Po chuckled.

"Just look at yourself! You just knocked down a tree with your own paws! Not many people...or any people...have ever done that. It was awesome! You should be proud!" he shouted, raising his hands above his head. She chuckled lightly, but quickly suppressed it.

"Pride is earned. How will I know when I've earned it?"

"You'll feel it." He placed a paw over is chest. "In here." She remembered that feeling in her chest she'd had just moments ago. _Is that what pride feels like?_ She thought to herself. "But if you really want to know if Shifu is proud...why not just ask him?" She looked at him as if it was the most ridiculous answer to her issue. He grabbed her paw. "Tigress...just trust me." And with that, he stood up and began walking away.

"Po." He stopped, looking back over his shoulder. "Thank you" she said, her amber eyes glowing in the night. He simply smiled.

"Any time. And I do mean _any _time. You ever need someone to talk to, I don't care what time it is, just come get me. Promise?" A small smile formed on her face. She nodded. He smiled back. "G'Night, Tigress" he said, walking away.

"Good night."

_But if you really want to know if Shifu's proud...why not just ask him?_

His words echoed in her head, bouncing around like a rubber ball. She stared towards the palace, toying with the idea for a few moments. With a heavy sigh, she rose to her feet.

She knocked twice, a slight pause between each knock. She was hesitant, and began toying with the hem of her vest like a child. There was a light ruffling heard from inside the room. It was barely noticeable, but her keen ears had caught it. The paper door slid open.

"Tigress?" Shifu asked in a tired voice. Taking a fist into her hand, Tigress bowed deeply.

"Apologies for disturbing you master. It's just...well..." she was embarrassed to be in this situation. She felt like a child asking for approval to do some activity. Releasing a deep sigh, she locked eyes with Shifu. "I would just like to ask a question." Shifu nodded.

"I'm listening." She hesitated.

"Are you...proud of me?" she asked. A look of surprise came over his face.

"What brings this on?" he asked.

"Well...I've always wondered...if what I do...pleases you..." she asked. She knew it sounded stupid, maybe even desperate, but after twenty some-odd years, she _was_ desperate. She _needed_ to know. She felt like walking straight back out of there, but knew she had to stay. _Needed_ to stay. "My work with kung-fu. Does it please you?"

The look on his face was a strange one. He looked regretful, yet at the same time, conflicted. As if he wanted to say something, but also didn't want to. He closed his eyes and drew in a large breath.

"Yes. I am."

"Then why haven't you ever told me?!" she immediately asked, but quickly covered her mouth with her hands, regretting the question slipping out. "I'm sorry, Master. Forgive my outburst." He shook his head.

"No, you are right to ask it. Tigress, When I adopted you, I was still grieving over the whole... Tai Lung situation. I was... afraid that If I'd praised you, or shown any sort of pride, I'd make the same mistakes again." He closed his eyes. "I had already created one monster. I was not going to do it again. It wouldn't be fair to the valley, myself, or most of all...you. I know that my distance has changed who you are. I remember the young, rambunctious cub I brought back to the Palace with me. Watching her leave was so hard, but I was so worried, so scared I'd mess up, that I allowed it. I love you too much to let you end up like him." A tear made it's way down his face. Tigress was in shock. The closed off, shut in, impartial Shifu had left and made way for a new one. One who wore his heart on his sleeve and felt. She let out a breath she had been holding. "But I see that was wrong of me. Yet, despite my upbringing, you've turned out to be an impressive, powerful, and beautiful woman, and I am proud, so very proud to call you my daughter" he finished with a shaky voice. Slowly, Tigress knelt down, grabbing Shifu in a tight embrace. He was shocked at first, but soon returned the gesture.

"Thank you... Father."


End file.
